Once we cross the threshold as a guest, we become a part of the decor. We seek to be gracious and try to lightly mingle — neither planting ourselves in the corner nor ruthlessly circulating like a social shark. We want to honor our hosts with the spirit of the day and, if we’re houseguests, we offer to do the dishes.
But what do we wear? Well, that’s important as clothes are a statement of good-natured intent. We have to consider the time of day, the time of year, the nature of the guest list and whether or not there’s an open bar. Here are some ways to sartorially meet the moment for every occasion in your calendar while keeping in mind one crucial detail: Never be the last to leave.
Illustration By Hilbrand Bos
The Host: Man of the Hour
As the host, you want to set the tone and radiate goodwill. This depends on the event, naturally enough. If you’re the grillmaster at a Fourth of July barbecue, then go with what moves you (maybe start with a gingham shirt). At a cocktail or dinner party, you want to be dressy and relaxed, even as you’re tending to your guests. What about an emerald green or burgundy velvet jacket? This suggests you’re at ease while still looking special. Whether you wear a tie is up to you (though I feel you should). If you’ve got some velvet slippers buried in your wardrobe, bring those out as well. And if you plan on sabering a magnum of Champagne, please practice first.
The Dinner Guest: Best Mate
The first part of your ensemble is a gift — the ultimate accessory. A good bottle of wine is always welcome and goes with whatever you’re wearing. I never feel properly dressed for the evening unless I’m in a proper jacket, though that certainly puts me in the minority. But I do think it shows your host that you’re in the mood for a special evening and that you appreciate being part of the festivities. A cashmere sport coat looks luxurious and goes well with a turtleneck if you’re so inclined or a knit polo. It makes you look pulled together but not overpoweringly formal.
The Wedding: Dearly Beloved
One of the questions I’m asked the most is what to wear to weddings. These are celebrations with many generations of families, and nearly everybody dresses up. You don’t want to overshadow the groom or scandalize any grandparents. My feeling, whether winter or summer, is to wear a suit. Dark blue or charcoal will do well, though lighter grey and khaki may be preferable if it’s near the water. You can brighten things up with a cheerful tie — this isn’t a board meeting after all — say, something whimsical from Hermès. That shows you feel optimistic about the new couple and indicates you’ll be welcome company at the reception.
The Office Party: Pitch Perfect
Now this is a bit of a test. You will be in the presence of colleagues, executives, direct reports and your boss (but hopefully no karaoke machine). If you’re going straight to the venue from work, then wear whatever is typical at the office. But don’t loosen that tie too much, or you’ll look like you’ve been ejected from a bar at closing time. If you regroup before arriving at the festivities, you can ditch the dress shirt. A sense of propriety remains in order — a sport coat is a good idea but over a Lacoste shirt. It looks official. Remember to drink a healthy amount of mineral water. Whatever you do, don’t take that microphone and start belting out “Piano Man.”
A First Date: Best Impression
This depends on a lot of factors, naturally: your age, where you’re going and how you met your lucky date. It’s important to make an effort while also staying true to who you are. (Of course, if expressing who you are involves a T-shirt and ripped jeans, you might want to let your winning personality shine through first and share your casual side later.) A sport coat is in order and if you don’t have one you like then now is the time to change that. If you feel inclined to wear jeans then a dark pair feels appropriate. A deep blue twill shirt or striped Oxford are good options. No sneakers, please. Some good Chelsea boots will be better. You’ll be at home in a bar, a good restaurant and wherever the evening takes you.
A Minnesotan turned New Yorker, David Coggins is the author of the New York Times bestseller Men and Style and writes a column for Artful Living.
